Tuesday, January 30, 2007

appear offline <3 12:10 AM






so many things happened lately that i don't even know where to start.



starting a blog entry for me i think is the most difficult. it's like an intro that creates an impression of how my entry's gonna be like.



alright i was crapping. so yesterday me and kynn went to catch hoobastank live over at fort canning, for free. yes you heard me, for free. my 2nd sis got free tickets from starhub and geez, i needed it. it was my time to scream out my frustrations and anger and sadness and disappointment and yes, everything out. thank god i didn't scream my guts out. (exaggerating)


we reached like around 6.30pm and we thought it'd be like those typical free standing gigs but it wasn't. starhub gave out mats and water bottles for us to pick a spot and have a mini picnic. i thought it was quite interesting and cool to just chill by the cemetary, in front of a stage. haaa. when the opening act was up, me and kynn was discussing whether everyone would actually stand up and rush to the front once hoobastank plays. we were quite confident that everyone would be obedient enough to stick on their mats but damn we were wrong. once they welcomed hoobastank up on stage, everyone started to walk to the front of the stage. we were like shit, now we're forced to stand since everyone around us stood. so hoobastank was up at around 8.30pm and u can guess what we did during all that waiting.




(ape lagi, cam-whore ahh....)







i think hoobastank is the nicest band i've come across. (2nd to franzferdinand) the vocalist was good at making conservations (funny ones) and encouraged us to groove as hard as possible. i did, till my waist lost an inch. (hahahha, in my dreams) they were good at working the crowd. *wink wink* oh yes, and the lead guitarist in the hat was a hottie.







oh yes, before the concert started, there were strong winds indicating it was gonna rain that night and my dad passed me this huge umbrella. (in case of fire) but guess what, it didn't rain, at all. not a teeny weeeny bit. so i had to drag home that huge umbrella. so after that, we went to the toilet at dhoby ghaut and had dinnercumsupper (timecheck:10.40pm) at burgerking. so after that i went to mustafa centre to meet my family over. once i reached farrer park, i felt like something was missing. i didnt had that huge umbrella with me. like wth!! i've tapped out of nel and i didn't have that enormous umbrella with me! i was like shit! i tried to recall where was the last time i saw it and guess what, i remembered i nicely stood my umbrella against a crack on the toilet wall.




so i called my dad and he said that the umbrella was very expensive! so i suggested that he drove me back to get the umbrella but i was told to be crazy. so fine, i'll just have to tap in and tap out to dg again, make my way back on my own and come back to farrer park just for the sake of an umbrella that i initially didn't need. how stupid of me! and i had to be with that huge umbrella by myself bringing it back and fro the mrt. it was even hard for me passing through the tap station because it seems like i had so many things on me. super embarrassing.




okie... so before the hoobastank thingy, i came over to nyp with ervy, ahmad (her beloved) and urgh-him. he had tickets from his cousin to the campus concert by hady and taufik and so we spent time together.








so updates about 'us', we're no longer together anymore. (not me and ervy. me and him) i'm now a single cheek. chey. hahahha.


what actually happened was that i initiated it but its my heart thats breaking. i don't know why. behind these smiles hides an aching heart. as i've said in my last entry, i was hoping that i could still trust him but i couldn't. his 'sweet' words were turning sour on me and i didn't care about carrying on. so at that time of the moment, i announced that we weren't compatible after all and we should just call it quits. but still, i do not know why my heart still aches and am still waiting for a contact from him. i am aware that this is the best for me but it seems that... something in me is holding back. something in me is still pinning hopes on his return.



what saddens me is that, behind the sweet(sour) words he said to me, it seems so easy for him to let me go. just one action from me, and it's over? didn't you appreciate my presence? didn't you say i changed your lifestyle and that made a great impact on you? isn't that something worth fighting for? and you didn't even make the effort to hold me back and try to make it work? i'm truly disappointed. my expectations of you was completely misguided. and yes i know, i'm the stupid one to start all this. though thinking back, this sets a test to see whether he really did appreciate me or not. right?




i used to stand alone, strong


when u entered my life, you took over


you broke through my barricade


i opened up, let you in


thinking that we were forever



your arms wrap around me perfect


your hand gripped onto mine tight


everything to me felt so right


like nothing could ever go wrong


now without you, i'm trying to survive


sewing together the pieces you crushed


and that's all left of me


trying to hold on as hard as possible


you entered my world and left in a hurry


though i hate u for that, i'm still hoping


and behind these laughs, holds a broken heart


whatever it is, it'll be if its meant to be


(i'm trying so hard to not send a message to him. its too difficult.)









♥ ♥ ♥

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

appear offline <3 2:54 PM







yesterday me and my classmates dropped by our school's 'new' sports complex with the intention of peeping by the 'house of lobsters.' I totally didn't expect it'd be like a grand type of restaurant. After all, it is a school area. They had their shark fin's bowl set on the table and the plates and cutleries nicely arranged on the table. like wahh.. got restaurant at rp seh.. like real only.




so we explored the sports complex and this was what we did.








we tried to imagine we were by the sea-side although we felt like we were in a forest.
the sun was scorching hot to the extent that i couldn't open my eyes.




so after school, i met up with ervy at orchard to collect her hyatt locker downpayment. as usual, we were up to full gear and talked non-stop and had so many stories to share. its been a long time i laughed so hard. she just cracks me up.




so with her, i went to meet him and we went window shopping. it was so weird at first because i didn't know how to act between two strangers that i love which do not know each other. the ambience improved by time and we went to topshop to end our day.




the shop was closing but there were still other customers so we kind of took our time to shop. i got myself a tote bag and ervy got herself a girl's boxers. and after knowing that we'd get 20% off for getting two pieces, she dragged me along to purchase one.




she was like saying, "eh i feel like getting one of the girl's boxers."



and i was going, "boleh muat kerr? ade size? biar betol seh nk pakai ni pat rumah?" (can fit? are you sure you're going to wear it at home?)



she said, "why not, mcm best per pakai girl's boxers! cheh, we finally own girl's boxers. best!" (at the cashier)



and i ended with, "kau giler ah ervy."



hahahaha.


okay so, while we were shopping for our boxers i kinda asked him to wait aside for awhile. well you know, its a girl thang. haha. we took quite a while and he got angry.




he was angry with me for not sparing a thought for the workers that had to entertain us customers that take our own sweet time shopping.
he was angry at me for being selfish. i used to complain about the customers that lagged behind at the expo, urging them to go home and now I'm behaving like the selfish customers.
he was angry at me for being selfish for not sparing a thought that he's working early the next morning and i didn't care about him.


and my argument was:



at least i was a paying customer.



at least i brought in business to topshop.



at least i made an effort to coax him.



at least i said sorry.




i thought to myself, enough is enough. im sick and tired of all this. my heart has been through too much and its time to give it a rest. this is not the first, second or third time. there never is a time where we met in peace and we don't fight. i'm drained by all this and i refuse to risk placing my heart under the torch again.




today on my way to school, i had a very bad morning. my two buses to school practically pretended not to see me running for the buses and left me waiting at the bus stop. and what i practically do at the bus stop is think of the situation all by myself. when my second bus to school left like how my first bus did, i burst. i couldn't control it anymore.




whenever i was crossing the road, i'd feel like standing in the middle of it and letting a car drive through. but i know, it'd be just selfish to do such a thing. i have to rationalise it and running away is not a solution to the problem.


so i was tearing my whole way to school. he gave me a few sms-es to me which i refuse to reply. he made calls to me but i didn't have the heart to either reject or ignore them. it made me sad just listening to his voice. and i teared, again.


i made him promise me that he wouldn't do this to me ever again.



i hope i can still trust him.



i'm keeping my fingers crossed.










♥ ♥ ♥

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

appear offline <3 12:40 PM







first of all i would like to extend my overdued wishes of happy new year to all my friends, readers and family and everyone in singapore and everyone in the world and ... ok enough enough. i think you get my message.




ok so. ive been working these holidays all the way from friday to tuesday. wheeee. i love working i don't know why. it helps me keep things off from my mind and not think too much about how helpless i'm actually feeling. its been busy busy busy these weekends and i'm lucky that my leg didnt fall off in the process.




today is actually my pay day and i'm wondering how much i'll be getting. i'm thinking of getting my mum an mp3 player since i lost her nokia earphones just today. haaa. oops! i lost mine too! damn.. i think i left it in the restaurant. i'm always late for work and in a hurry so i don't actually remember where i put those earphones before i start work. maybe i accidentally slipped it into my colleagues bag. alamak... please can return to me?




ok. i shall give a short debrief on how my heart went through several turbulences before it reached a stable state as of last night.




as you all have read from my previous entry, it was a bit over the edge and emotional as i penned down my thoughts and feelings at that current of time.




a while after that post, something happened. on the day of new year's eve. mister wanted out since we couldn't spend the countdown together. i couldn't because it was afterall hari raya haji and i had to follow my family's tradition. that is staying over at my gram's place till god knows what time. we would slack, eat, watch tv, talk, play and do everything together as one big family. but mister insisted that we met or we shall just forget each other. you can imagine how that brought an impact to my life. i had the choice of a lifetime but i think you guys are smart enough to know what i did that day.




so from then on, i hated countdowns. i hated anything that has got to do with new years. and coincidentally on that new year's eve night, my little cousins tuned on to high school musical and there was this shot where the main characters were spending the countdown together. what 'perfect' timing~~!




then, i thought everything was over. i will try my best to forget the wonderful memories. and i begged god to give me the strength to move on. my heart was aching so badly.




and as i was about to manage by myself, mister re-appeared. i don't know whether i should be extremely happy or furiously angry. because it seems like mister wasn't that all serious and i'm afraid i'll get burned for the second time. so it was kind of hanging on a balance and yes, communication is the key. we had happy talk till morning and everything's back in place and i'm very greatful.




thank you for bringing back my smile onto my face.




♥ ♥ ♥

its just the beginning



emma hassan
fifth-may-eightyeight
republic polytechnic
biomedical sciences
retired NPCC member
self-known photographer
all rounder music lover

a daughter, a friend


let yourself be heard


everyday cravings

sentimental korean dramas
popcorn (salted)
coca-cola with ice
tshirts
mamee
x-men
sleeping
dunkin donuts
starbuck's hot chocolate
baskin robbins
mcdonald's fries
as told by ginger

past tensed

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on air

read-ups

amelia-
aisyah-
aisyah-
adam-
azy-
celina-
daphne-
dan-
dilys-
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fyra-
hazel-
hanim-
hikmah-
isma-
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