we tried to imagine we were by the sea-side although we felt like we were in a forest.
the sun was scorching hot to the extent that i couldn't open my eyes.

so after school, i met up with ervy at orchard to collect her hyatt locker downpayment. as usual, we were up to full gear and talked non-stop and had so many stories to share. its been a long time i laughed so hard. she just cracks me up.

so with her, i went to meet him and we went window shopping. it was so weird at first because i didn't know how to act between two strangers that i love which do not know each other. the ambience improved by time and we went to topshop to end our day.

the shop was closing but there were still other customers so we kind of took our time to shop. i got myself a tote bag and ervy got herself a girl's boxers. and after knowing that we'd get 20% off for getting two pieces, she dragged me along to purchase one.




she was like saying, "eh i feel like getting one of the girl's boxers."



and i was going, "boleh muat kerr? ade size? biar betol seh nk pakai ni pat rumah?" (can fit? are you sure you're going to wear it at home?)



she said, "why not, mcm best per pakai girl's boxers! cheh, we finally own girl's boxers. best!" (at the cashier)



and i ended with, "kau giler ah ervy."



hahahaha.

okay so, while we were shopping for our boxers i kinda asked him to wait aside for awhile. well you know, its a girl thang. haha. we took quite a while and he got angry.




he was angry with me for not sparing a thought for the workers that had to entertain us customers that take our own sweet time shopping.
he was angry at me for being selfish. i used to complain about the customers that lagged behind at the expo, urging them to go home and now I'm behaving like the selfish customers.
he was angry at me for being selfish for not sparing a thought that he's working early the next morning and i didn't care about him.

and my argument was:



at least i was a paying customer.



at least i brought in business to topshop.



at least i made an effort to coax him.



at least i said sorry.




i thought to myself, enough is enough. im sick and tired of all this. my heart has been through too much and its time to give it a rest. this is not the first, second or third time. there never is a time where we met in peace and we don't fight. i'm drained by all this and i refuse to risk placing my heart under the torch again.




today on my way to school, i had a very bad morning. my two buses to school practically pretended not to see me running for the buses and left me waiting at the bus stop. and what i practically do at the bus stop is think of the situation all by myself. when my second bus to school left like how my first bus did, i burst. i couldn't control it anymore.




whenever i was crossing the road, i'd feel like standing in the middle of it and letting a car drive through. but i know, it'd be just selfish to do such a thing. i have to rationalise it and running away is not a solution to the problem.

so i was tearing my whole way to school. he gave me a few sms-es to me which i refuse to reply. he made calls to me but i didn't have the heart to either reject or ignore them. it made me sad just listening to his voice. and i teared, again.

i made him promise me that he wouldn't do this to me ever again.



i hope i can still trust him.



i'm keeping my fingers crossed.