Tuesday, May 24, 2005

 appear offline <3 1:08 AM



It all started in that fateful day.


I don’t know what I do right no more.

On Saturday, after my day at photography at suntec city, I went to had a drink at orchard’s mcCafe with shikin. I tot of going home after that but shikin dragged me to meet her friends with much persuading. And so, I went.
It was 6.40 in the evening and I tot it was still ok for me to be out. But, I received a dreadful phonecall from my mom. She shouted at me to go home and said I don’t need to go home if I’m already a grown up. I can pack my bag and leave and never return. I was hurt by that relevation. I was shocked as it was as if I wasn’t out that late before. And so, I rushed back home with fear of coming home but with that, I still got reprimanded. I thought she would be happy with the fact that I actually listened to her and went home straight. Some kids don’t even bother if their mom force them to go home. They just ignore their parents. But I guess I was wrong. SO wrong.

And so, the day continued with reprimands. First, I opened a package meant for me. She accused me of opening my sister’s package without asking, whose is it. She just made accusations and shouted, “WHY YOU OPEN YOUR SISTER’S PACKAGE?” I replied and said it was mine. That was still OK. Next, my lil sis was caught for playing with a watch. My mom shouted, “IMAH, Y U LEAVE YR WATCH LYING AROUND? SEE! YR SISTER IS PLAYING WITH IT” I went to check it out only to see that, it wasn’t my watch. It was my eldest sister’s watch. I was so sad that, they thought that everything was my fault.


And, today came, my aunts came just for an outing. And I was sleeping. In my mom’s room with my mom’s blanket. And so, my mom shouted at me, yet again, “IMAH!! WAKE UP! YOUR AUNTS ARE HERE! DON’T BE RUDE. U BETTER GET UP OR I’LL GIVE U A TIGHT SLAP. WAKE UP NOW!!!” I ignored her as I thought she was gonna stop after a while. But, I was wrong again. She still forced me to wake up and said, “I’M GONNA GIVE YOU A SLAP IF U DON’T WAKE UP NOW”. The way I type it it doesn’t sound harsh but imagining it it came from your mom whom u love. I feel so hurt. She even commented on me using her blanket and saying that I’m stinking her blanket. I wish, that was the end.

Hours later, when my 2nd sister passed me the turn to play pool, as I cant play pool on my comp, my 1st sister came saying that she needed to use the comp. I was like, WHAT THE FUCK!!! You needed the comp just when I was using the comp. I was pissed. Very pissed. We fought because I urged I wanted to use the comp and refuse to let her have her own way. Even so, my mom, of course, took her side. It was ok, alright. I don’t give a damn anymore. Then, my mom was cleaning the table and saw some flyers on the table and automatically assumed that I was the one that placed it there and it was my fault somehow.

This was what my mom said, “IMAH! Y U LEAVE YOUR FLYERS AROUND THE HOUSE? U BETTER PICK THEM UP NOW.” I was so UPSET and replied. “WHAT RUBBISH? THIS ARE NOT MINE!”
Then my mom said about I’ve become rude after going poly and that I’ve changed and all. I don accept what she’s saying. Its not me who’ve changed. Its my family that has changed. They think I don’t know what I’m doing and that I’m still a kid who was born yesterday. My friends all have the freedom which I wish I had. My friend, I asked, don’t your mom scold for going home later? Guess what he said, Oh, I’m now 18. We have to be let go by our friends and be independent. U have to learn to live your life and take up responsibilities. I wish I had his parents whom trust him to make smart decisions unlike mine.

I feel like running from home or just run across a free road and wishing I get knocked down by a speeding car. What I feel cant be put down into words as I feel very awful right now. I feel that my soul has been sliced right in the heart. I’ve poured tears that I can’t produce anymore now. But, though, as I’m writing this, I’m still crying with a crying heart. I don’t know why.



♥ ♥ ♥

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

 appear offline <3 8:36 PM



OH MY GOD!

Can somebody kill me please?
i'm feeling very miserable right now. I feel very terrible because i got my first C for my daily grade and i scored a D+ for my first understanding.

I wish, i was born smarter!!! i feel so disappointed of myself because i expected better. I feel like, my life has ended and there's nothing much i look forward in the future. My heart has been stabbed into 2, and being squeezed so hard that i can hardly breathe no more. I never saw my life in RP could turn out like this. With the shitty grades, i also feel neglected by my secondary school mates.

Today, i went to Punggol Secondary School to collect my O's certificate, planning to go with my beloved friends, ervy, nashata. But i guess, everyone has their own lives to run. So, i went with my good friend, shannon ong. She's been keeping me company and its been wonderful having her around. Muacks.

i still can't get over the fact that i actually scored a D+ for my first UT. it is really a discouragement for me. I'm really one slack of a person. I've never imagined myself to turn out as one useless, stupeed person. Now, i feel like, committing suicide or just get run down by a car but faith in my religion as well as myself acts as a stopper to me problems. I will never resort to these actions. While i'm writing this, my eyes are producing tears which is uncontrollable. Feelings of the heart is always hard to be suppressed.

I wish i had someone to share my real thoughts with but they don't seem to take me seriously. While i'm listening sum 41 - pieces, i wish i was dead now.



♥ ♥ ♥

its just the beginning



emma hassan
fifth-may-eightyeight
republic polytechnic
biomedical sciences
retired NPCC member
self-known photographer
all rounder music lover

a daughter, a friend


let yourself be heard


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sentimental korean dramas
popcorn (salted)
coca-cola with ice
tshirts
mamee
x-men
sleeping
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baskin robbins
mcdonald's fries
as told by ginger

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