Saturday, March 17, 2007

appear offline <3 8:32 PM






i was browsing through the pictures in my folder and came across the picture above. can you people guess which is me? heee, i was so cheeky then. kynn was so kudut. (see her legs. hahaha.) ariff's socks was so high. atie's so serious. and suzie's trying to show off her teeth.




so yesterday marked my first day working for john little's outlet. and i started off working alone without kynn. u can never imagine how slow the time passed as i was folding all the clothes over and over again till my shoulders ached. i met one lovely friend named til. she's the same age as me and we kind of got along the moment we opened our mouths.




i so can't wait for the expo sales to come. i'm more familiar with the system there.




right after work i met nad and man over at compass point. i wish i could jot down all the things that happened last night here in my blog but it doesn't seem right for people to read. sometimes its so difficult to really write down your inner feelings when you know people out there are reading into your personal life. it just doesn't seem right for people to know. (for now)



so my mum was making some noise, ok make that alot of noise, when i reached home at 1+am, as usual, mothers. she said, "you think it's 1pm?" hahahha. i wish it was.




so today i had a mini-lunch-date with a colleague i got to know at work. nice person, but much more older than i am. very sweet. we talked all the way about work, work.. and work. whahaha. and i practically had to look up in order to make conversations. i think i even sprained my neck. (hahhaa. don bedek.) so we had desert after lunch. very very nice! i had some choc-fudge cake. and i didn't have to pay for any of it. thanks!




okay so around 2.30pm i proceed-ed to merpati creations to meet my sister, aunts and mum because my sis was browsing through the wedding packages. all the choosing from design of clothes, to theme deco, to colors of both clothes & deco, to the type of packages is suitable, to the photography for the wedding, gave me a real headache at the end. it's so troublesome getting married. they were talking and talking and talking non-stop. i couldn't stand it.




ppl should just get married in las vegas. the end. hahahha. ok aku gile.


(or maybe get a wedding planner.)



ok. tomm i'm working. with kynn. yahooo!



oh and yes, i have to get the answer ready by tomm.




yes? no? maybe? i don't know?


can you repeat the question?




♥ ♥ ♥

Thursday, March 08, 2007

appear offline <3 1:44 PM






okaylah i know i know. i've not updated for like, a month? a little bit less than that? or more? oklah whatever it is, holidays have started and so far i've been busy with god-knows-what. if im not working, i have school. if i have neither, i'd be going out. if i have no plans, i'd be at home sleeping restoring energy. (eat fiesta. hahaha.)






i've been spending late nights on the phone conferencing with nadhir and man. how we discovered the conference function in our phone is a nong nong story. so we've been talking till 5-7am and we'd be on the phone without realising the sun has popped up.



we'd be like, "eh sialah! morning alrd lah sia!" (ok not we, me actually. hahaha.)


"are you guys crazy?? not going to work ahhh?? not going to sleep??"




ok fine. sorry for being so paranoid.




it seems so weird. i used to blog about all the funny things i experienced and now it seems that i need not do that anymore. because i've actually shared with them verbally. so if i were to write it down, it'd feel like i'm just repeating whatever i said to them, here, and i'm very malas to jot them down.




oh yes, by the way. manchester united won last night. or morning. yay!




so my blog's now only gonna contain my deepest inner thoughts and not those teeny weeny detailed things i used to like to blog. ok maybe sometimes lar. hahaha.




ok so as you know. i'm not with that devil anymore right. yah. but recently, john little called up to work for just a day. as a fitting room assistant. and it was before 11th march. before he finished his contract with jl. before he leaves for his ns.
so therefore i ran a risk of bumping into him at work.




you people cant freaking imagine how my heart wasn't at peace for those few days.




kynn brought along another 2 of her friends (azy & hajar) to work and we all went to head for the human resource office. and to my oh-my-****ing-god, he was sitting at the receptionist front desk. i took a fast step back and froze. kynn did as well. i was saying shit, shit, shit for god-knows how many times. but we had to seek permission from the receptionist to enter the hr office. so i tried my best to hide behind hajar.




i told myself again and again, "no he's not there. he's not there. he can't see me. dont turn, dont turn. keep your cool. chill baby." (haha)




i don't know what kynn did but after we entered the office, she said,


"eh he saw you lah imah. then he smile smile to himself. syiok sendirik."


and my reaction?


"eeeeyoikes!!!"




ok so for that one day assignment, we were separated to different levels. i was actually suppose to be at the ladies department with azy but hajar was scared to be alone because it was her first. after some persuasion and bribing, (bribing eh! nolah no bribing.) i relented. see i'm so nice? hahahha.




but after work, azy and hajar told me the moment they stepped into their ladies department, he was there, giving them this stare. like he thinks he's a senior there. like stupid asshole more likely. oops. sorry for my language. but really ah, he was.(is)




so yesterday he sent me an sms. asking whether am i still in love with him.
i broke down.


how could you ask me this kind of question? how how how?


why are you still bothering me with this kind of things after all these while?




i dont know why but my heart was so so sad. everyone was at work and i didn't know who to call and what to do. but at least i had my sis to seek help from. i wish i could go see a phychiatrist and look for some answers. why am i like this? why do i still cry even though i'm so so angry and hateful at him? what else am i expecting from him? why did i still entertain him even though i knew he was like this? why can't i not reply to his msgs and just ignore him? why can't i? why why? i'm so stupid. stupid stupid stupid. argh, stupid!




i'm going crazy thinking. thinking. and thinking. and who has the answers? i dont know ah. i'm stupid. for letting this get into me. it sucks and i'm the one whose stupid right. yah i know that already.




and.... i have to think about another thing. im scared. scared scared scared. scared to get into relationships ever again. its so painful to be in one and i cant imagine going through it ever again.







i mean how can one be happy when they say they are in love but it hurts so much?? like they say love hurts. Ok it hurts, then why love??? whyy?? omg why??? can somebody tell me why??? and there is so much at stake. our wonderful, close friendship. i feel so at ease with you but will i still be when we get together? i am happy when i'm with you but will it still be the same if we're together? i'm so so scared.




ok. conclusion of my blog post.


i'm stupid. and a scaredy cat. (ok maybe not cat. penguin? hahah.)





♥ ♥ ♥

its just the beginning



emma hassan
fifth-may-eightyeight
republic polytechnic
biomedical sciences
retired NPCC member
self-known photographer
all rounder music lover

a daughter, a friend


let yourself be heard


everyday cravings

sentimental korean dramas
popcorn (salted)
coca-cola with ice
tshirts
mamee
x-men
sleeping
dunkin donuts
starbuck's hot chocolate
baskin robbins
mcdonald's fries
as told by ginger

past tensed

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on air

read-ups

amelia-
aisyah-
aisyah-
adam-
azy-
celina-
daphne-
dan-
dilys-
firzan-
fyra-
hazel-
hanim-
hikmah-
isma-
kynn-
madeline-
nurul-
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raudah-
rena-
rill-
siti-
shirley-
soonwei-
weizhi-
wani-
yatie-
zara-
zaini-